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gavin..

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[29 Dec 2011|01:49pm]
i want to burn 2011 to the ground.

i want to stand there,
laughing maniacally
while the remnants of its frame melt into nothing

all of the broken promises
& failed opportunities
the unused relationships
& that fucking car.

wasted time with people who never cared
& the mass amount of alcohol it took to keep it going
all of the times i had to prove
to other people
that i was worthy
when,
i know,
i am always worthy.

the dinners alone
yes, table for 1
bitch

the cunty boss
the cocktail bars
the friends who make fun of you
the online dating

i want to burn 2011 to the ground.

i want to kick the embers
& pour lighter fluid just to keep the fire
burning

the 2 shitty shows
the nights working box office
the pained back
& my mother's knee

corporate deal-making
& corporate deal-breaking

i want to burn 2011 to the ground.
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[07 Nov 2011|01:24pm]
there are two news stories out there that horrify me right now.

1. http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/feedarticle/9934611

&

2. http://www.suntimes.com/sports/colleges/8669368-419/ex-penn-state-coach-jerry-sandusky-accused-of-40-sex-offenses-against-boys.html

that's all. 2 absolutely "holy shit" horrifying stories.
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[04 May 2011|03:30pm]
http://www.2theadvocate.com/news/State-EBR-brace-for-record-water.html?showAll=y&c=y

this is the kind of thing that keeps me up at night. & it will until somebody tells me that nothing's going to happen & the city i'm from (land that i dearly love) isn't going to flood.
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[08 Dec 2010|06:50pm]
everybody is as slick as we can make them
the news looks like the future

we're depositing checks on our cell phones
& @ the airport, people get to look past our underwear

i always know when the bus will be here
but my $750 bike goes even quicker than that

there's family
& light
& christmas

there's twitter
& flickr
& qik
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[24 Nov 2010|07:10pm]
these are the 50 tracks that i've loved on last.fm over the last 6 or 7 years.

Against Me! – Those Anarcho Punks Are Mysterious...
Alison Krauss – Every Time You Say Goodbye
Better Than Ezra – State Street State of Mind
Better Than Ezra – Wintercoats
Bran Van 3000 – Dare I Say
Built to Spill – You Were Right
Cat Stevens – Wild World
Cee Lo Green – Fuck You
Cee-Lo – I'll Be Around
Drink Me – Train to Chicago
Garth Brooks – Callin' Baton Rouge
Garth Brooks – Much Too Young (To Feel This Damn Old)
Jason Mraz – 0% Interest
Lambchop – D. Scott Parsley
Lambchop – Your Fucking Sunny Day
LCD Soundsystem – All My Friends
Louis Armstrong – Do you know what it means to miss new orleans?
Mike Doughty – The Only Answer
Mike Doughty – Train To Chicago
Modest Mouse – Trailer Trash
Modest Mouse – All Night Diner
Morning 40 Federation – Bottom Shelf Blues
My Morning Jacket – Bermuda Highway
My Morning Jacket – Touch Me I'm Going To Scream Pt. 1
Old Crow Medicine Show – Wagon Wheel
Pat Green – Adios Days
Paul Simon – American Tune
Phish – Brian and Robert
Phish – Roses Are Free
Phish – Waste
Quintron And Miss Pussycat – Swamp Buggy Badass
Q-Tip – That's Sexy (feat. Andre 3000)
Rebirth Brass Band – Let's Get It On
Robbie Fulks – The Way You Make Me Feel
Sufjan Stevens – Perpetual Self
Sufjan Stevens – Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing
Sufjan Stevens – Come On! Let's Boogey to the Elf Dance!
Sufjan Stevens – To Be Alone With You
Talib Kweli – Africa Dream
The Flaming Lips – With You
The Highwaymen – Live Forever
They Might Be Giants – There's A Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow
Tom Waits – I Wish I Was in New Orleans
Van Morrison – Baby Please Don't Go
Wayne Toups & Zydecajun – Oh Louisiana
Ween – Hey There Fancy Pants
Ween – Roses Are Free
Wilco – On and On and On
Willie Nelson – I Gotta Get Drunk

i'm pretty damn proud of that list. not gonna lie.
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[05 Sep 2010|05:11pm]
last night, i had a serious urge to go out in tigerland.

that ain't even a lie.
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it's 2003 up in here [19 Jul 2010|06:08pm]
me, micah, & tony
watching a concert dvd
drinking iced tea
occasionally watching surfing videos on youtube
talking about girls
&, y'know, other stuff
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[24 Feb 2010|02:41pm]
i lost my job last friday. not because i'd done anything to deserve it...in fact, i was told that all the managers loved me. but they couldn't "afford to keep me." they hired 3 new people while i was at mardi gras. one of them fully admits that she got the job because her dad is friends with the owner of the company.

this is the sort of thing i've always known happens in the world. i'm not naive. but it had never happened so vividly in front of me. my cynicism grows. and grows and grows.

i got back from mardi gras (a trip which eclipsed all past trips in terms of recharging my soul) at 4:30 in the morning. after a 14 hour drive. after mardi gras. i walked in to find a boxed up apartment. our lease is up in april, & aubrey is moving out but she had apparently, unannounced, taken it upon herself to move out while i was out of town.

aubrey & i have been friends for nearly a decade now, & yet she thought she needed to avoid even telling me when she was moving out because she though i might be upset with her plans. i don't know. my cynicism grows. and grows and grows.

so i have been spending the past 5 days alone in a mostly empty apartment. i played through dragon age: origins. that was pretty fantastic. i sort of apply for jobs. people come over at night to watch star trek with me because they know it makes me happy. i don't go outside too often.

i'm not unhappy by any means. i never really liked my job. & aubrey was never a great roommate. these are two situations which needed working out, & they both exploded in two dramatic climaxes within two days of each other. boom. massive explosion. wreckage all around my apartment, confused & deranged.

i just have to wonder. all of these people that make these decisions which affect other people. they, we, all just have to DECIDE & go on. but sometimes they, we, DECIDE to hurt other people & not look back. it happens all the time. i just realized that it happened to me (being hurt by other peoples DECISIONs) twice. really quickly. aubrey kept saying, "i was going to tell you, but..." & the guy who fired me said, "this is the worst part of my job, but..."

so i'm cleaning the house following last night's star trek & pizza tuesday night. they all want to do it again, which is wonderful with me. i need to decide how i want to convert aubrey's room into my room (the desire to move straight to new orleans is strong, but i need one more year here). i need to take out the trash & recycling. i need to do laundry. i need to follow up with megan about the job she swears she can get me. i need to play heavy rain, but that can wait. i need to buy furniture. i need to save money. i need to rsvp to blake's wedding. i'm having dinner with friends tonight (fried chicken wednesdays at chalkboard). i need to go to the dentist.

i'm listening to tv on the radio, i'm cleaning the house. i'm not going to drink tonight, & i'll probably be in bed by midnight. i'm smiling and laughing & not exactly sulking. i'm making plans for the future & forgetting about the past more rapidly than i've been able to in the past. i'm redecorating. i'm boiling a pot of tea every day. i'm getting things done.

it's always good to see you, journal. until next time...
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mardi gras [17 Feb 2010|04:20pm]

the soto
Originally uploaded by gavinrobinson.
we went.
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[05 Sep 2009|06:03pm]
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moving [30 Jun 2009|05:32pm]

moving
Originally uploaded by gavinrobinson.
gavin robinson.
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[29 May 2009|10:19am]
i woke up from the strangest dream today.

it wasn't the events of the dream which were strange. they were pretty mundane.

i was at my parents' house and it was next wednesday. that makes sense because i'm going home next wednesday. we were getting ready for kyle's wedding and everybody was running around (exactly like they will be doing next wednesday). we went shopping at the mall, and when we got home my mom told me to go put my suit on. i was suddenly paralyzed by fear.

where was my suit?

i had to confess to my mom that it appeared as if i had completely forgotten to pack for this trip. i had no luggage. "in fact, mom, i don't even remember coming home. i don't remember the airport, the train ride, nothing. it's as if i just woke up here."

my dad looked at me like i was an idiot. he told me "not to forget to pack next time." we went to men's warehouse and while i was trying on a new suit, i woke up.

i woke up, here, in chicago where i live. i was in my bed, where i belong.

that's all really. it was pretty weird, though.
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[27 May 2009|06:46pm]
[ mood | discontent ]

whatever i did,

i am truly sorry.

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[18 May 2009|06:32pm]

i am still that guy
Originally uploaded by gavinrobinson.

2 comments|post comment

[13 Apr 2009|11:06am]
dumb dumbs.
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[04 Apr 2009|10:00am]
songbird knows exactly how i want to spend my morning on this Saturday of Solitude:

antonio carlos jobim & frank sinatra
johnny vidocovich
duke ellington & louis armstrong

throw in some charles mingus & i'll give you a cookie.
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[09 Mar 2009|03:17pm]
in the 7+ years that i've had this journal, i've never changed the layout, titles, fonts, or even my interests. i'm not sure what that means, but i just noticed it. the only thing that has "changed" is that i've added user icons here and there.
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[28 Feb 2009|04:10pm]


yeah, i went there.
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[26 Feb 2009|03:08pm]
i didn't really think i would ever do any more "solo performance," but last night i showcased a piece that i've been working on for a little while now and finally got up the nerve to do it.

it's called "gavin reads from his livejournal."
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it's fat tuesday, y'all! [24 Feb 2009|09:58am]
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